Am I a masochist?

My thoughts. My mind. I often think about how I have taken a total beating by it. Not in a literal sense, in a figurative way, of course.... The dictionary reads as follows; "A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences". I am in no way talking about my relationship, or my children. I am talking about what goes on in my head. For example, I was just thinking yesterday what a worthless person I was. Regardless of how I REALLY feel about myself, I let my thoughts take over the mood I was in. I didn't make enough money, I didn't do enough for my children, etc etc etc. It wasn't WHO I was. It was by no means WHAT I was. So why did I let myself believe these things, if even for a moment. Let alone a few hours.

We, as humans, can be on top of the world. And by the actions or words of one person, be in the pits of hell the next moment. Caves of despair and self loathing. Maybe its a female thing, I don't know. I have known men to take on the self pity role quite a bit. So it can't be the 'oh she is PMSing' excuse.

So does that make me a masochist? Am I leaning toward a tendency to subject myself to a mind that makes me feel inadequate? I guess I will have to really ponder those questions.

I am a strong woman mentally. I know what I want. Maybe its arrogance of my positive qualities that are catching up with me and giving me self doubt. Its a possibility that I need to be humble. After all, I AM human, right?

I, personally, would rather be the sadist. I'd rather be the one in control.