Sound of Madness

For weeks after I took this new Director of Sales position I had in the back of my mind that it would be temporary. That I would be taking my tests for mortgage lending and moving into the world of straight commission. Yesterday as I was talking to a friend of mine (who asked how my job was going), it dawned on me that I really am happy here. Right here, in this position, for this company. I love everyone I work with for the most part. I feel like we are all family. I am compensated well. I'm comfortable with what I do and I feel like I am fairly good at it! So it got me thinking as I hung up the phone...are we ever really satisfied?! I suppose its human nature to always want more or different. I think because Dan and I started out financially struggling, and having so much drama early on, I've come to be more content with my life and very thankful for being so blessed. I appreciate what I have. Why would I want to leave where I work to do something else that I am not

I have a vacation home on the brain. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined it being a reality. But it is becoming more real the more we pay things off. Goal: Get something on the beach by next summer. We are looking at Westport. The property is cheap, and it is a nice little sleepy coastal town. Oh, and it has a brewery... So win win. ;) I love having something to look forward to. Gives me purpose.

There are so many things in my life to be thankful for. But the one I am most thankful for is being married to my best friend. I honestly cannot imagine my life without him. The way he takes care of me is inconceivable. He rubs my feet, he cooks amazing meals for me, he helps around the house, he works hard at his job, and the list goes on! I am so attracted to him, physically and mentally. He makes laugh so hard. God, thank you... thank you for making me happy with this one man. 12 years strong.

Sudden death of someone you know really punches you in the face. It really has a way of making you stop dead in your tracks, and to quote Eminem...snap back to reality, there goes gravity. Dan and I sat in the hot tub last night counting our blessings for not only having each other, but having the life we have. I don't want to take anything for granted anymore. All my life I have heard that time goes faster when you are older. Until NOW, I didn't realize how fast. But that is the kicker isn't it? Time goes fast, but at any given moment you can be taken away. So really there are two reasons to embrace all life has to offer. We should love with every ounce of our being. We should travel as much as we can, and see the wondrous things on this planet. We should give money to people who need it. We should pour into people emotionally and spiritually. Reality is, we have one life and no guarantees. Live it, and live it well.

Time just seems to be flying by more and more every day. I turned around yesterday and noticed my 16 year old is actually a young man. He is not a child anymore. It kind of hit me that I will never have the boys run up to me and hug me with abandon. I will never rock them to sleep, or tuck them in. I won't get to sing a lullaby to them, or carry them on my hip. How did I let that time slip by? Why was I so anxious to have them grow up? I started so very young, a teenager myself. I didn't appreciate every single second. Those little rosy cheeks of theirs should have been kissed more. I suppose every parent goes through it. The same thoughts go through my mind about Dan's children. I didn't start out as a great step-mother, as I had a lot of growing up to do. Being in the process of healing mentally was about all I could handle. Some people say, "I did the best I could". However, I don't think that is the case with me. I just say "It is wh