Sound of Madness

"The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person." How true is that statement? Think about it for just one moment. How do you feel when someone actually NEEDS you? Not that they HAVE to be around you, but that they seriously depend on you for love. Ponder for a moment today... Being best friends with that person who depends on your love to live a meaningful life: Priceless

As with all the seasons of the year, I am not ready for summer. Under no circumstances am I complaining (yet). However, the warm weather came so fast that my white legs had to be heat lamp-ed to be prepared to wear shorts. It is terrible for one's skin, but I am in a jam right now. So off to the tanning beds I went last week. The first session was about 4 minutes. The next was 5. I just figured that it wasn't doing any good, so I told the teenage brain-dead girl that I should go a little longer to see results. She stuck me in for 15 minutes. Needless to say, I can barely sit, or even move for that matter. I would say that I wont be going in for a couple days now. No pain, no gain I suppose. I really could just slap her though, if it didn't hurt so bad to raise my arm. Speaking of self inflicted pain, I have quit smoking! Unbelievable as it sounds even to me, it is true. I have not had a cigarette in about a month thanks to the wonderful world of drugs. (

I just got home from helping DavenLore Winery bottle some of their wine. They are friends of ours, so we just went out to help for a bit. Its great seeing what a functioning winery consists of. The love of making GOOD wine is evident with them, and it is a definitly encouraging for me. However, it makes me long for a winery myself. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever happen. It is hard enough trying to make ends meet, let alone doing something that takes so much money, time, and more money. It will happen though, its just a matter of time.

Well Real Estate is booming again...Yes, I know I have sworn to quit this business. But it is the only thing that I have ever done that I am truly proud of, and am really good at. It is a hard game to play. Sometimes I want to bang my head against the wall. But, the biggest commission check of my career is coming next month (fingers crossed). A 1.6 million dollar commercial piece has just been sold. Car will be paid off, motorcycle purchased for Dan, and a boat will placed nicely under a new carport cover that will be installed beside the house. :) Yeah, I am dreaming... ha Money sure does make me happy though. What does that say about my character?! I must be so shallow. Upward and Onward.

Another day, another drama. Funny, the old cliché used to be ‘dollar’. Not in my life. It is usually calm. But in the divorce and children life…there is ALWAYS drama of some sort. Without going into to much detail, I will just say that I try to be a reasonable, calm person. Alas I AM AN ARIES. Look it up if you do not comprehend this. I do not have an ounce of patience. I am not one to put up with a lot of unreasonableness. I most certainly am not one to take any negativity when it comes to my children and step children or the way we parent them. So where does that leave me? I suppose it leaves me trying to do the best I can to raise my children right, and to love my husband like he deserves to be loved. And it leaves me wanting to punch something over and over. It is so hard to be a step-parent. I love them like they were my own. But they are not my own, and I am fine with that. I never talk bad about their mother around them, and try to be the best person I can be f

Winter sucks. Plain and simple. I haven't even had enough UMPH to write in this blog. I am sorry, and apologize over and over... But I just do not have any creative juice this time of year. Its hard to squeeze it out when I am so COLD. I do not see the sun, and the fog is wearing thin. No, I am not unhappy with my life. As a matter of fact, I am still in love with Dan and so happy with the amazing relationship that we have. He is so good to me, so honest, and treats me with so much respect. My kids are doing well, and seem to absolutely love him as much as I do. Its just the weather....Not a bit of sun, warmth, etc .... I need to live in Mexico. Then maybe my sanity would be intact.