Sound of Madness

Been thinking about a big career change lately. I'm getting to the stage in my life that I have learned all I can learn about the media industry. The longer I am in it, the more I absolutely despise it. Why you ask? Let me enlighten you. I consider this industry similar to politics. Who is kissing who's butt and how hard seems to be the norm. I am not that person. I like to be genuine and not fake with people. I tell it how it is and I will NOT take you to lunch to get business out of you. I'll take you to lunch if you are my friend and I sincerely like you. Another reason I am starting to loathe this business is the decline in advertisers thanks to DIGITAL. Radio and TV are no longer the best option when it comes to getting the word out there. They are still effective, yes. But corporations are not taking into consideration that there is attrition and budgets need to be set at a REALISTIC goal. The "10% increase year over year" rule is simply ridicu...

It hit me last night that I have not taken the time to write lately. It's been months. Whatever, I'm here yet again. I used to want to write as a form of therapy. Now it takes on another role. I want to leave a legacy. Granted, I've never shared this blog with any of the kids. But someday I might. I want them to be smacked with the reality that I was never perfect, and that is the very fiber of humanity. No one is flawless and no one should be put on a pedestal. The older they get and the more mistakes they make as adults, the more they will come to realize that. They will also come to realize that I love them so very much. So what's been going on with me? Where do I start. Major milestones: Gabriela got married and Noah graduated. Another milestone, I am going to be a grandmother. There was a quote on a show I watched last night, "I feel guilty for not feeling guilty". That is exactly how I feel about the kids going off and moving out to start ne...

For weeks after I took this new Director of Sales position I had in the back of my mind that it would be temporary. That I would be taking my tests for mortgage lending and moving into the world of straight commission. Yesterday as I was talking to a friend of mine (who asked how my job was going), it dawned on me that I really am happy here. Right here, in this position, for this company. I love everyone I work with for the most part. I feel like we are all family. I am compensated well. I'm comfortable with what I do and I feel like I am fairly good at it! So it got me thinking as I hung up the phone...are we ever really satisfied?! I suppose its human nature to always want more or different. I think because Dan and I started out financially struggling, and having so much drama early on, I've come to be more content with my life and very thankful for being so blessed. I appreciate what I have. Why would I want to leave where I work to do something else that I am not ...

I have a vacation home on the brain. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined it being a reality. But it is becoming more real the more we pay things off. Goal: Get something on the beach by next summer. We are looking at Westport. The property is cheap, and it is a nice little sleepy coastal town. Oh, and it has a brewery... So win win. ;) I love having something to look forward to. Gives me purpose.

There are so many things in my life to be thankful for. But the one I am most thankful for is being married to my best friend. I honestly cannot imagine my life without him. The way he takes care of me is inconceivable. He rubs my feet, he cooks amazing meals for me, he helps around the house, he works hard at his job, and the list goes on! I am so attracted to him, physically and mentally. He makes laugh so hard. God, thank you... thank you for making me happy with this one man. 12 years strong.

Sudden death of someone you know really punches you in the face. It really has a way of making you stop dead in your tracks, and to quote Eminem...snap back to reality, there goes gravity. Dan and I sat in the hot tub last night counting our blessings for not only having each other, but having the life we have. I don't want to take anything for granted anymore. All my life I have heard that time goes faster when you are older. Until NOW, I didn't realize how fast. But that is the kicker isn't it? Time goes fast, but at any given moment you can be taken away. So really there are two reasons to embrace all life has to offer. We should love with every ounce of our being. We should travel as much as we can, and see the wondrous things on this planet. We should give money to people who need it. We should pour into people emotionally and spiritually. Reality is, we have one life and no guarantees. Live it, and live it well.

Time just seems to be flying by more and more every day. I turned around yesterday and noticed my 16 year old is actually a young man. He is not a child anymore. It kind of hit me that I will never have the boys run up to me and hug me with abandon. I will never rock them to sleep, or tuck them in. I won't get to sing a lullaby to them, or carry them on my hip. How did I let that time slip by? Why was I so anxious to have them grow up? I started so very young, a teenager myself. I didn't appreciate every single second. Those little rosy cheeks of theirs should have been kissed more. I suppose every parent goes through it. The same thoughts go through my mind about Dan's children. I didn't start out as a great step-mother, as I had a lot of growing up to do. Being in the process of healing mentally was about all I could handle. Some people say, "I did the best I could". However, I don't think that is the case with me. I just say "It is wh...

Today I'm going to the mothers tea with my momma. The older I get the more I realize I need to cherish every minute with my mom. So many people my age, even Dan, have lost their moms. It's the turning of the time wheel, and I'm not a fan. I know one day my parents won't be around, so I really need to make it a priority to spend time with them. Life is short. But a whisper. Hug your mother and tell her you love her. There will come a day when you would give anything to tell her face to face. 

What a great trip. Got to go with our closest friends. A lot of laughs, a little frustration, and tons of wonderful memories. I liken my friends to family. I love them more than life itself. But like a family we get nervy with each other sometimes. I guess that's how you know you have the good ones. At the end of the day if they still love you despite your moodiness, they are true friends. Maui was beautiful and it was the trip of a lifetime. I feel amazingly blessed to have such generous and loving friends. ❤️

Another 4th of July in the works! Every year I think about the look in the kids' eyes when they got to watch a fireworks show. Now they are all older, it makes me miss it even more. I suppose one day I'll have grandkids to take in their place. Isn't that just like life? You take advantage of the little things that eventually you will miss. Not thinking at the time, "I should enjoy every second of this, because it won't last". It's a good reminder to me to embrace all this life has to offer. Because someday, I will miss this very moment.

SHARK DIVING WAS AWESOME!!!

Well Hawaii was amazing. Next time, we go without the kiddos. :) I missed Jesse and Wade though. I wish they could have went. They would have loved it.

What an amazing few months!! Revelation to the fullest. Instead of bringing negative into my life, I have been declaring GOOD things. It's not always peachy, but there have been so many remarkable things happening that just blows me away sometimes. In July we are taking the kids to Hawaii (yes, I declared this too) for the first time. Happiness does not even come close to the emotion I feel, along with being so amazingly blessed!! Sometime I think we need to stop and take a look around. Is our situation horrible? Then declare goodness and favor!! Pray for goodness, and believe with all of your heart that it will happen. It is only then will things change. We attract what we feel. God gives us what we ask, make your prayers be big! But here is the key. You HAVE TO BELIEVE. Ask, believe, receive, and be thankful and gracious. We serve a giving God who wants to see us happy, and wants us to depend on him for that happiness. It's a bit like being a parent. Oahu 2013 ...

Back to RADIO. Out of the hotel ashes emerges an account executive once again. Too good to pass up, and personally I like the "harder I work, the more I get paid" scene. It's time for good things to happen. Favor. Financial blessing. Health. Supernatural awesomeness. Good things ahead Michele, good things ahead.

Today is a lyrical type of day. So instead of writing my own thoughts.... Here you go. It is how I feel about God today. I want to be in love with him as much as I am Dan. To be completely overwhelmed with worship. Lifehouse. Everything. Find me here, And speak to me. I want to feel you, I need to hear you. You are the light, That's leading me, To the place, Where I find peace again. You are the strength, That keeps me walking. You are the hope, That keeps me trusting. You are the light, To my soul. You are my purpose, You're everything. How can I stand here with you, And not be moved by you? Would you tell me, How could it be, Any better than this? You calm the storms, And you give me rest. You hold me in your hands, You won't let me fall. You steal my heart, And you take my breath away. Would you take me in, Take me deeper now. And how can I stand here with you, And not be moved by you? Would you tell me, How could it be, Any b...

I've been reading a blog of a dear friend of mine who passed away. It saddens me to read how amazing she was just by how she lived her life. What a true testament to how a wife and mother should be. In light of recent events, the movie theater killings, it puzzles me as to why good people who make a difference die. While the jerks of the world get to live and cause havoc. It makes me really want to dig in and be a better mother. Granted I have little time left, as they are getting older. But I do love my kids more than life itself and on any given day would give my LIFE for them. I guess that is why it's so hard to see them struggling with teenage problems and rebellion. I want the best for them. I want to see them happy, yet thriving and being an asset to this world. I long to see them make a difference. I can see Jesse inventing things, engineering something, and of course serving our country. I see Wade opening up a surf shop, traveling the world, ziplining, and ...

What every parent strives for is to have their child be the best they can be. To have a child that loves and respects you. A child that goes to school and lives a normal healthy and happy life. Gets decent grades, goes to dances, has nice friends, gets a job and a car, and prepares for their future as they walk with their class proudly in cap and gown. There is a glitch in the system. I have made huge mistakes in my life. Mistakes that I, myself, have asked forgiveness for. Now those mistakes are now rearing their ugly head. The regrets I have are many. Even more so now that my son is going down a destructive path. I feel as though it is my fault. So now I have to accept the role as the "mean" parent and take everything away. I can handle him hating me for now, as long as it's not forever. What needs to be done, needs to be done now. Time to clean out his closet. New friends, new hobbies, and new attitude. If this doesn't work, then Job Corps it is.....

My mind keeps going back to Haiti today. Guilt almost consumes me that I keep forgetting what I vowed to do when I came back in January. Such a mixture of people there. Most are kind, loving, and very eager to try and talk to you. Especially the children. Almost all of them want to say hello and get a picture. Their innocence and pure excitement was something I have never seen any child in America possess. Granted there were residents that were not happy we were there. But in light of the earthquakes, they mostly were elated to have outside help of food and labor. The ruins were almost unbearable to look at. I kept thinking while I was there, "if every movie star and professional athlete pitched in a couple million to send down here, what a difference it would make." Greed overtakes most in America. Haiti resources are scarce. Money is even more scarce. A piece of my heart still waits in Haiti for me to go back. Considering how short life is, to make a differe...

If I could take my children's pain away, I would. It breaks my heart to see any of them suffer. My teenage son is going through a lot of rejection issues right now. I tried to talk to him about it, but he has things buried deep. Roots that he needs to majorly deal with. Unfortunately the roots of his rejection are something that I have no control over. I was sitting here thinking... This is what God must feel like when we are brokenhearted. He must really want to take our pain away, but has to let us deal with it in order for us to come out of it stronger. Just as he allows us to suffer for a time, I must let my son suffer in order for him to be a better person. With guidance on how to handle things, he may just become the most successful child we have. It is "getting" him to that point that will be challenging. In a perfect world every child would never hurt. Unfortunately we live in a very imperfect one. Dysfunction is rampant. My goal as a parent is to ma...

Rolling dough in Haiti. Miss the people, miss the simplicity of life there. This makes me stay positive.