Sound of Madness

So we got sneak away last weekend for a couple days with no kids. It really was like a breath of fresh air for me. I've come to the conclusion that I need some zen/peace/whatever in my life. So I've decided to start being a little self serving for a few minutes a day. There really is too much noise in my life right now. Not only physical noise, but mental noise. My mind needs silence occationally to keep functioning properly. How I am going to accomplish this relatively small feat is up in the air still. But if I want to be productive, I have to find a way. I'll let you know how successful I am. Hmmm....

Sometimes... No matter what you say, or what you do, you are wrong in someone else's eyes. Sometimes... It's a matter of life just sucking yet again. Sometimes... Even if you think you are doing the right thing, you aren't. And sometimes you just want to close your eyes and just let someone else take over and make a go at it.

So summer is officially over. Kids are back to school. Why the heck do I feel so stressed out all the time?! I will answer my own question: Money and Time. Neither of which I have right now. Money: because of a greedy ex. Time: because I work non stop.... I just feel like a ticking time bomb. This is what I would like to do: Pick my own schedule for work. Take a ME day and go shopping. Get a massage. Get my nails done. Go have coffee with a friend. Get my hair done. Read a book. Go for a day hike. Call friends and family that I haven't talked to in ages. OHHHH the list goes on and on. I am starting to get frustrated with all those women out there who are mothers that don't work and complain all the time about how busy they are. PPPSSSSHHHHH... Please. You have no idea. Try being gone 10 hours a day for a crappy paycheck, and STILL doing the job you are doing at home. I say we call the president and make it manditory for a stimilus refund go out to ONLY those wom...

What a whirlwind few months. I think because I opened my mouth and talked about how blessed I was, it all hit the fan. (way to throw it out in the universe Michele)I've come to the conclusion that some people are just miserable inside. That no matter how much money they have, or who they are with, they will never be satisfied. So therefore, their misery protrudes from their pores like a poison. Making us all feel how miserable they are by inhaling their hate vomit. It really comes down to being an extremist in certain aspects of your life. Think about it. Everyone has a human nature that God placed inside of us. We want what we can't have, and it is usually controllable. However, there are people out there that are extreme with this 'nature'. It's uncontrollable to have a desire to want more, more, more. It is NEVER enough. I believe it is similar to a drug addiction. More money, more time, and more control. Since 1999 I have held true to the same life motto... Yo...

So Hawaii is put on hold due to airfare being through the ROOF. Kids will have to patiently await the arrival of lower gas prices. It may just be in a few months...who knows! So in the meantime, mom needs some breathing room. Vegas has been calling me for a while, so it is booked. Some would consider me extremely selfish. But honestly in order for me to be a great mother, wife, and employee, I NEED this time. I need to gamble on horses, I need a massage and chill time at the spa, and I need to take a deep breath and forget about life for a while. It's probably less of a need and more of a want. Either way, it's my turn. Me time... and when I check in at the resort, I will be checking in my lost sanity.

Pure surrender...

Oh the joys of having a vindictive ex... It's been a rather interesting two weeks. Hawaii on hold due to attorney fees. Which makes me more than a little irritated. Really I don't understand why everyone can't just live their lives and forget the past. I guess it has a lot to do with true freedom. Freedom from the chains that held us down for so long, and freedom from our hatred and bitterness. It took me a while to figure it out. But to have freedom is a beautiful thing. :) Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments of 100% pure anger about certain things. Especially when it involves my children or my integrity. But I am learning how to handle the negativity. I get more sad now than anything. 5 years ago I would have handled things very differently. Most likely would have been a very violent situation, screaming, yelling, throwing out F bombs. Michele is maturing, she is learning to deal with life. Yes, life is so short. It really is just a heartbeat awa...

I'll be here in less than 4 months. Yes, quite sweet isn't it?!

The "Bucket"...and what I want to do before I kick it. My personal bucket list that I've been working on this for quite some time. Only when I watch certain movies, or hear certain triggers do I REMEMBER how I need to work on making things become a reality. I mean, really, I am pushing FORTY. Do I honestly have that much time left? I guess I have some time, but thoughts run through my head of old age and being ABLE to conquer the physical aspect of some of the feats. It is inevitable that I will become old and fragile. How I choose to spend my remaining time is as follows, FOR STARTERS: (In no particular order) 1. TOUCH AN ICEBURG 2. WALK THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA 3. SEE AYRES ROCK IN AUSTRAILIA 4. TALK TO A REAL ABORIGINY 5. GET CORNROWS IN JAMAICA 6. TRY AND MAKE AN ENGLISH GUARD LAUGH-AT BUCKINGHAM PALACE 7. LEARN ITALIAN AND TRAVEL THE COUNTRY 8. MEDITATE IN BALI 9. HALIBUT FISH IN ALASKA 10.TAKE THE KIDS TO HAWAII 11.SEE THE GRAND CANYON 12.GO TO A SHOW IN NEW YOR...